I'm a Lebowski, You're a Lebowski by Ben Peskoe

Author:Ben Peskoe
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781635571264
Publisher: Bloomsbury Publishing
Published: 2017-03-18T04:00:00+00:00

He has health problems

The Iron Lung was invented by Philip Drinker and Agassiz Shaw of Harvard Medical School and used primarily during the polio epidemic of the 1940s and 1950s.

And I say, “Sure. It’s the weekend. I’ll wait till Monday.” And then I kind of gave some tired old speech. Peter did the talking at first, but Peter was insane. Babbling on and not making any sense. And I’m trying to get to the point so that we can get the hell out of there.

Bums: “Dude, please. I’ll handle this.”

LA: [laughing] Yeah, right. “You’re killing your father, Larry.” No, but what I did say, because I’d seen his homework, was, “You need to spend more time with your homework and less time joyriding with your friends. Because let me tell you something, it looks here like you’re just a half-assed student, but you’re a fucking lousy criminal, kid. You need to give up the crime aspect of this right now.”

What was really weird was I don’t think any of us—me, Peter, the mother, or the son—mentioned that there was this dying man in our midst. It was kind of like we all just didn’t say anything about him.

That was pretty much the end of it for me, thank God. But I was always curious, because there were a couple of other things that happened to me as a private investigator. I was working a case in Malibu, which, as you can imagine, is like rich hillbillies. It’s very incestuous, nepotistic. I was working a case where I had to watch some people, and they called the cops on me, even though I was in a public place.

Bums: They knew that you were surveilling this person?

LA: Yeah, they pinched me. I got busted. I was probably trying to dress up like a surfer or something. So they dragged me in to the sheriff, and he said, “What are you doing?” And I said, “I’m working a case.”

He wanted to know all the specific details, and I told him to go fuck himself, and he bounced a coffee cup off my head and threw me out of town. And the cup broke when it hit my head.

Bums: Did you call him anything?

LA: I think I might’ve said something ugly. And he did say something about, “I don’t like your face, I don’t like you . . .” He had a whole speech, and you can tell it was a stupid speech that he gave to other people, this canned speech. The guy was coming off like he was freakin’ Kojak. And he did use those immortal words, “Stay out of my beach community!”

Bums: What was the time frame on this sheriff story?

LA: That would have been mid-eighties.

And then the other thing was the scattering of the ashes off the ocean view. Apparently this is something that happens every six months like clockwork. Dipshits go up there and try to scatter their ashes into the wind. And when I was at USC, a film student got killed in a motorcycle accident.

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